As I Near the Finish Line of This Pregnancy There’s An Onion in my way

There’s a saying about Lyme disease that treating it is like peeling back the layers of an onion. About a year and a half into treating and I’m seeing just how real that statement is. As i mentioned last post my Lyme had come out of its pregnancy faux remission around XMAS eve. When we got back from visiting it was even worse. Although on the upswing now (at least physically)… 

I spoke with my Lyme Doc a couple weeks back and she wants me to add some herbals: MC BB1 for Lyme and MB Bar 1 for Bartonella. The herbals for babesia are not pregnancy safe. We’re going to take a slow and steady approach and with the goal of not even reaching max dosage. Although I  haven’t started yet as I just added my cal magbuhtrate last week. It’s a daunting thing to add anything this late in the pregnancy especially since my herxes have been so bad (high fevers) but with herbals as long as I’ve gone slow I’ve been O.K (aside from when I’ve done cinnamon in the beginning). This was the plan until I got some disturbing blood work back…

I had mentioned some time ago she wanted to get some bloodwork done prior to my next appointment but it wasnt a rush. So finally did it a few weeks ago. I’m pretty pissed as she mailed a copy with virtually no explanation and while Virginia is hit with a blizzard so the state is shut down for DAYS! Basically what it shows is that my Vit. D is low and my Calcitriol is high…. This from questioning people and my own research is quite scary. It could mean something simple as low calcium or over supplementation to indications of various cancers or infections that lead to heart disease or sudden cardiac death. So  I have to follow up with testing for EBV, HHV and CRS. All very scary. Especially while pregnant. Why didn’t my last doctor test me for these and why didn’t the damn RE think of any of this years ago? Oh I know he was too busy waiting for my naturally convcieved pregnancy to fail so I’d shell out a bunch of money to get IVF and maybe with a bonus of choosing the gender 😡.

I’m not sure when I’ll be able to get the bloodwork done. The roads are pretty much closed…but now my son has a cold. I feared this after school drop off on Tuesday when a classmate walked in sounding like she was auditioning for an extra role in the Walking Dead. I have no idea why people don’t think. (This was a stay at home mom by the way). We’re fortunate to be able to send our son to a Catholic private school but we’re not med bills for Lyme are out of pocket, baby on the way and now he’s probably missing school we’re paying for . I wish the parties responsible would have to give us a refund.

Anyhow to say I’m overwhelmed is an understatment. My husband had a different type bug last week, so I took care of him and  every other responsibility solo, and then we rolled right into him pretty much non stop working on a paper . I so wish we had family nearby…ugh . I’m at the point with my OB that I see them every two weeks, my MFM is every 4 weeks, I’m supposed to have an eye appt this week if Ryan’s not sick still…ugh when will I get my blood tested? I desperately need to find a doula, especially since we have no help here and I really don’t want to deliver alone, especially since I’m high risk. 

There came a point after college when I really dug deep to find out what I wanted to do with my life. I loved teaching but it dawned on me:  I just wanted to be a mother. That’s what I was born to do. And over the years I’ve come to love teaching yoga as well, especially to have something for me and to help others but being a mother is what it’s all about for me. That’s why my miscarriages have been particularly devestating. And it’s why after the first few scary months of treatment of Lyme (with the heart stuff and high fevers) I’ve been so frightened. I remember pleading with God “please let me last long enough so that my child will remember me”. As painful as the thought it of missing out on milestones with him was, what’s even worse is the thought when was just 2, of him not having a clue who I was or the special things we share. Now at 3,( 



  I begged for that )to see that birthday I face the same fears again. I love this boy so fiercely. I want more than anything to be in his life for as long as I can and for him to always know the love I have for him. I want to beat this …..

For now, I’ll take care of my little man with a cold, bake some cookies and get just a minute or two of snow play before tucking him in for snuggles.