The countdown begins

Day 1:  Bear with me as I lose my mind. This may help the time pass a bit. I started the day with my son’s field trip. That helped put me in a better mood as he had a blast on his first field trip…the only dagger to the heart was after the all of the official activities I sat with his buddy’s (the little boy donned a Red Sox hat next to Ryan’s Pats hat) mom . She turns to me:  “is ryan your only one”. *sigh* “yup my one and only”…

Then it was off to the MFM to pick up the kit. Where it was broke to me that it probably will be more like two weeks before I get the results. I could of sworn I read on the site 7-10 Calender days. They said they’re calling either way with results… The lab down the street was empty and the done quickly…tick tock tick tock

I started feeling crummy today. Could be from eating my weight in organic candy corn and chocolate the day before but honestly my biggest Lyme aggrivator has been stress. It sets a flare in motion like nothing else.

I used my home Doppler:  perfect heart rate at ~160. I’ve been able to find her heart rate most times since about 9 weeks and it’s always been spot on. How can she not be ok? Doesn’t make sense. Both trisomy 13 and 18 usually have heart issues. 

While we especially remember the whole month, yesterday we lit candles for the international wave of light for infant loss and miscarriage awareness day. We remembers our four babies and prayed we wouldn’t add a fifth…

The nights have been the worst,kind of like deployments when you’re sad and scared thinking the worst. Probably didn’t help that I spent atleast an hour on Google comparing our baby’s ultrasound with that babies with confirmed cases of the trisomies. I’ve thought from the beginning the head looked a little small, the facial features a little tiny. I had tried to reassure myself that maybe since we think it’s a girl that is why. But who knows, maybe not. I looked at Ryan’s baby book (that may have set off some water works) and looked at his ultrasound pics….have I mentioned I’m losing my mind?! I’ve stayed up until 1/2 am watching HGTV but for some reason the on demand wasn’t working. Doesn’t direct tv know that it’s crisis time over here? 

Starting day 2 of waiting buying some boots. Hey we have seasons now and they were on super sale. Totally justifiable. Time to start our day soon…tick tock tick tock

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