I had a few good days in a row. I was able to run, I started my Jeff Galloway training program for my Vegas run. I had a nice lunch out with family, was able to walk around Target without feeling dizzy. I walked the dogs and played with all of my “pack”. My brain fog was still there but it was like I could see a teensy tiny ray of sunshine through the clouds. I did take plenty of time to rest. During this time this post came to me. I asked God if it needed to be shared and in church (I actually made it to!) I heard “yes, be brave, authentic”.
My role as military wife has not been easy. It’s not for anyone, it’s not supposed to be. It’s not easy for anyone. I’m this first to admit I have not handled some circumstances with grace…ok a lot of them. It has been more difficult then I have imagined. There have been a lot of things that I’m so grateful for: the chance to see cool places (hello 4 days in Hawaii), chances to see now military wife friends from college at random places (my little at Bruins game in NC), the ability to pay for treatment (most lyme treatment is out of pocket) and who doesn’t love dress blues??
Many wives I’ve found that met some husbands while they were a particular military assignment so chances of them being stationed near family can happen. Me however met C while on the 21st floor of the Kennedy building at Umass Amherst. We hit it off as fast friends but then took about seven years to start dating.
I moved to North Carolina during his first deployment and we got engaged shortly upon his return. I did make a couple of really close military wife friends (one was even in my wedding party) but she was not in my husbands “group” we’ll just use that word as to not be too specific on a public blog. I found that most of the ladies associated with the “group” were just in different spots in life. Most of them had met while there husbands were in various schooling for the military, they all had children around the same age. Here I was just engaged, then a newlywed no children, working, and still into going to bars from time to time. So just not in the same place. They were all lovely. I just wasn’t in that sorority so to speak. I wasn’t invited to group valentine parties during the next deployment. I had some wine and a horror movie. I did meet for occasional lunch dates with some and one awesome gal had monthly deployment dinners but overall I was never offered a “bid”.
The next move wasn’t really a physical move so to speak. Different group but same house. They were some events; coffees or get togethers for wives but at the time I had started working at the catholic school and had an hour commute each way and this base was about two hours north of where we lived. I was beat after hours of teaching, two hours of driving and to tack on another 4 hours of driving just couldn’t happen. Not to mention around this point is when I contracted lyme, just didn’t know it at the time. So I couldn’t even pledge. We did meet and befriend a nice running couple, but they ended up divorcing so that was sad. There my friends ended up being coworkers from school and folks from my yoga studio, some of the, even military spouses as well but not same group again. Those were the people that came to visit in the hospital when Ry was early. I miss them dearly.
When it was time to come here I decided I was really going to step outside my comfort zone. I attended every spouse get together before I started
working. I joined a military focused running group. I exchanged numbers with ladies. I did meet some great people. People that I’ve shared laughs with, that have watched Ry when I’ve had appointments or a sitter cancel for work. But it’s like having all these amazing ingredients but the cake won’t bake. Last summer when I was hospitalized with the infection I spent over nights alone in the hospital. I’m sorry but no matter how old you are that sucks and it’s scary. I did have a friend from LA drive down to see me and some military folks make meals but we had no one to watch Ry so I stayed alone. This past miscarriage I had trouble regulating my temperature so I spent almost all night in the ER alone, took a cab home…
I really have tried here but being a military wife with a disease so far from family is just hard. I can’t sugar coat that. I’ve sent gifts celebrating people’s successes here, babies…etc. Last spring a friend had to drop out of her running event and all the attending runners tagged her on posts of Facebook including her at least in spirit over the event. This weekend I didn’t get a single “I wish you were here”, no tags or we’re running for our military sister with Lyme. One member of the team did thank me, and she even purchased lyme green headbands but ended up sick and unable to finish. She is not a military wife.
So I have met great people here just didn’t get that bid. There will be no initiation. The positive is that soon enough we’ll be giving a fresh start. Here’s to hoping…
P.S I spoke with my doctor today (love that he calls me himself). We’re going to hold off on the plaquinol a day or two. I had a fever yesterday(101). Today’s a little better. So as long as I’m going in the right direction which he thinks I am, I’ll add that add that to my arsenal by the end of the week! I may even do some push-ups before nap time.